Unlucky In Love: Valentine’s Day Mistakes That I Have Made

It’s that time of year again: the day on which more Smiths songs are listened to than any other day of the year. I’ve always seen Valentine’s Day as a lose/lose proposition: if you’re in a relationship, extra pressure is placed on you by society to express your love and affection for your significant other, even if you do so for many other days of the year. If you don’t buy cheap cards and half-melted chocolates, you may as well be a cross between Chris Brown and Ike Turner. On the other hand, being single on this  day means that you will be taunted by the happiness of others, regardless of what they do or what you do. Every happy couple that you cross reminds you that you are forever alone and you’re going to like it, motherfucker.

But fear not, intrepid readers. I am here, as always to provide comic relief through my own misfortunes. The following are Valentine’s Day experiences that are probably far worse than anything you will do today:

Updates and such

I’m currently writing for the Queens Chronicle, a local weekly paper in Queens. You can check out some of my work here and here. I’m especially proud of the second piece, as it got a couple of politicians mad at me. Fight the power.

I’m still chugging away at The American Shot, as well. I gave them a review of the most recent Roots record (which was fantastic, by the way.) and a write-up on Real Estate’s performance at the K&K Super Buffet (which isn’t a clever name for a warehouse; they were in an actual Chinese buffet place.), which was probably the best show of the year so far. Also, if someone who was at the show  is reading this, I had that camera for journalistic purposes; I am not one of those people who just brings a camera everywhere to take pictures of strangers. Your fears at the time were unfounded.

Finally, I do some writing and such for Elmore Magazine, which has mostly involved writing reviews and posting news items. I should have a few awesome interviews coming up; they’ll be up here when they happen. I also took over their Twitter account for a brief time, and I intend to do so again. So, you know…you can look at that, too.

Also, I performed at Bar 13 last week. It didn’t go well. I’ll probably try again, so if you’re in Manhattan on a Monday night, give it a go.

 

Instances of Real-life Psychological Damage and Cowardice

FEEL THE TERROR

I am an admitted coward and headcase. I have a deathly fear of social interaction that results in me having heart palpitations and sweaty palms, and I also think that Steven Tyler just looks unsettling. These aspects of my psyche (especially the Steven Tyler thingy) have had a massive impact on everything I do, from my knowledge of secondary Star Wars characters to my decision to make dumb jokes on the Internet in my spare time. I thought I was strange, abnormal, and a freak. Fortunately, I am not alone: